I thought getting a vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant.
But all it did was change the color of the baby.
Wife For Sale
A man and his wife are traveling in the Middle East. An Arab approaches the husband, saying, "I'll give you 100 camels for your woman." After a long silence, the husband says, "She's not for sale." The indignant wife says, "What took you so long to answer?" The husband replied, "I was trying to figure out how to get 100 camels back home."
As he lay on his deathbed, the man confided to his wife, "I cannot die without telling you the truth. I cheated on you throughout our whole marriage. All those nights when I told you I was working late, I was with other women. And not just one woman either, but I've slept with dozens of them." His wife looked at him calmly and said, "Why do you think I gave you the poison?"
A man was wandering around a fairground and he happened to see a fortune-teller's tent. Thinking it would be good for a laugh, he went inside and sat down. "Ah....." said the woman as she gazed into her crystal ball. "I see you are the father of two children." "That's what you think," said the man scornfully. "I'm the father of THREE children." The woman grinned and said, "That's what YOU think."
Things Your Wife Won't Say
- The smell of beer on your breath drives me wild.
- I'm bored. Let's shave the pussy.
- I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house.
- Let's get a good porno movie, a case of beer, and make an afternoon of it.
- God, if I don't blow you soon, I swear I'm gonna bust!
- I only signed up for yoga so that I can get my ankles behind my head.
- Let's subscribe to Hustler.
- Let's take pictures so your friends will believe you.
- Honey, our neighbor's daughter is sunbathing again. Come see!
- Awesome fart! Do another one!