Hitchhiking Through The South
A long-haired youth was hitchhiking through the deep South. He got a ride from a mean looking redneck trucker. After riding about 30 miles in silence, the youth finally said, "Well, aren't you going to ask me?" "Ask you what?" replied the trucker. "If I'm a boy or a girl," answered the youth. "Don't matter," replied the trucker. "Gonna fuck ya anyway."
What You Do Best!
This suave-looking Redneck, (okay, just pretend there is one) walks into a bar and sees a cute little rich girl who's had too much to drink. He says to her, "Hey, baby...whataya say we go back to your place and get it on! Lost in her drink, she replies "Sure, why not!" They get to her place, and she lies on the bed and says, "Okay, show me what you do best!" Without delay, the Redneck rips off his jacket, grabs her T.V., VCR, and purse and runs out the door!
Billy Bob & Linda Sue's Anniversary night
On the occasion of their fiftieth wedding anniversary, Billy Bob decided to forego a big party and treat Linda Sue to a memorable evening at home. Quietly filling the bathtub with champagne, he called her into the bathroom and they spent a sensual evening soaking in the tub by candlelight. When they were finished, Billy Bob decided he couldn't let all that expensive champagne go to waste, so he carefully poured it back into the empty bottles. However, when he was finished, he found he had nearly a half-bottle too much. He screamed to his wife, "Linda Sue, you NASTY BITCH, you DIDN'T?!?"
His first church visit!
After years of his wife's pleading, this good ol boy finally goes with her to her little local Church on Sunday morning. He was so moved by the preacher's sermon that on the way out he stopped to shake his hand. He said, "Reverend, that was the best gawd damn sermon I ever did hear!" The Preacher replied, "Oh!! Why, thank you sir, but please...I'd appreciate it if you didn't use the Lord's name in vain!" The man said, "I'm sorry reverend, but I can't help myself, it was a good gawddamn sermon!" The reverend said, "Sir, PLEASE, I cannot have you behaving this way at Church"! The man said, "Okay reverend, but I just wanted you to know that I thought it was so gawddamn good, I put $500.00 in the collection plate!" And the Reverend said, "NO SHIT?!"
Souped Up Lincoln
A rich guy from the north is driving his Lincoln Continental down to New Orleans. Along the way he picks up a redneck.
The redneck looks quizzically at the dash board and says, "What aret hose thangs?"
The driver says, "Those are golf tees."
The redneck asks, "What those are for?"
The driver says "Those hold my balls when I drive."
The redneck says, "Sheeit, these Lincolns sure come with everythang!"