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The best jokes and joke writers!

Clinton Doctor

One day Clinton goes to the bathroom, pulls down his pants, and much to his amazement, he finds a red ring around his penis. So the next day he goes to his physician and the doctor says, "I can't figure out what it is. So I'll give you some medicine, and if it doesn't work, come back and I'll give you something else."

So Clinton takes the prescription and takes the pills as directed and comes back in 2 weeks. The physician then hands him a different prescription and he comes back in 3 weeks this time. Then, instead of giving him a prescription he gives him a small tube-like capsule.

The doctor says, "Rub this around the offending circle and come back tomorrow. Clinton returns the next day and exclaims, "Wow! That stuff was terrific doc! What was that last concoction? It worked great!"

The doctor calmly replied, "Lipstick remover."

Biden's First Task

After winning the election, President Joe Biden is told he needs to assemble a cabinet.

On his way back from IKEA, he realizes he's greatly misunderstood the task.

Hillary and Bill at Baseball Game

Bill and Hillary are at the first baseball game of the year, and everyone is yelling and screaming. One of the President's cabinet advisors whispers advice into his ear, at which point Bill stands up and throws Hillary out onto the field. The crowd goes deathly silent and the advisor says, "No, sir, what I said was, they want you to throw out the first pitch."

Clinton Bumper Stickers

Here are some "actual" bumper stickers reportedly seen on cars around the DC area:

  • HONK! If you had sex with the President
  • Clinton: We forgive you...Now Resign!
  • Al Gore: One heartthrob from the Presidency
  • Adultery IS NOT a family value
  • Does character matter YET?
  • One More Whore And We Get Gore
  • Bill Clinton: Commander in Heat
  • My President Fooled Around with Your Honor Student
  • Jail to the Chief
  • Today kids no longer play doctor, they play President
  • The Clinton Creed: Take Credit Not Responsibility
  • If his private life doesn't matter, let him date your daughter.
  • Save the President: Legalize Perjury
  • Two terms for Clinton: the second in jail
  • Clinton: Our Nation's Fondling Father

Dear Abby

Dear Abby,

My husband hasn't worked in 14 years. All he does is get dressed in the morning and hop in his fancy car to visit his cronies. He's cheated on me many times with young girls who could be his grand-daughters.  I know because he brags about it. He smokes fancy cigars and drinks expensive Champagne day and night. We sleep in separate beds because he`s always telling me he knows I`m a lesbian and my varicose veins and ugly face turn him off!  Should I clobber him with my frying pan or should I leave him Abby?

Your advice will be appreciated,

Mad as Hell.

Dear Mad as Hell,

You don`t have to take that kind of treatment from any man. I suggest you pack your bags and move out a.s.a.p.! Don't resort to clobbering him with the frying pan, that will only make things worse. Remember, you`re running for President of the United States, so try acting like it! 

Abby