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The best jokes and joke writers!

Opposites

If con is the opposite of pro, then is Congress the opposite of progress?

Hillary's Tough Questions

Hillary Clinton goes to a gifted-student primary school in New York to talk about the world. After her talk she offers question time.

One little boy puts up his hand. Hillary asks him what his name is. "Kenneth," he says. "And what is your question, Kenneth?" she asks.

"I have three questions," he says.

"1st -- why didn't you send help to our people in Benghazi?

2nd -- why did you risk our national security by using a non-protected consumer grade email account? Were you hiding something?

3rd -- With your poor health history of fainting & blacking out, how could you possibly handle stressful situations in hot crowded rooms as President?

Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess. When they resume Hillary says, "Okay, where were we? Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a question?"

A different boy -- little Johnny -- puts his hand up.

Hillary points to him and asks, "And what is your question?

"I have five questions," he says.

"1st -- why didn't you send help to our people in Benghazi?

2nd -- why did you risk our national security by using a non-protected consumer grade email account? Were you hiding something?

3rd -- With your poor health history of fainting & blacking out, how could you possibly handle stressful situations in hot crowded rooms as President?

4th -- why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?"

And 5th -- where's Kenneth?"

Obama Math

The Department of Defense briefed the President this morning.  They told President Obama that 2 Brazilian soldiers were killed in Afghanistan.  To everyone's surprise, he collapsed onto his desk, head in hands, visibly shaken and almost in tears.

Finally, he composed himself and asked, "Just how many is a Brazilian?"

This isn't surprising since he obviously has no understanding of billion or trillion either.

Definition of Sex

Hillary and Chelsea were having a deep heart to heart talk about Chelsea's college experiences.

Hillary: So have you found dating to be fulfilling experience?

Chelsea: It's okay, but I don't like how the boys sometimes act like real sex hounds.

Hillary: Well, uh, have you, uh, actually had sex?

Chelsea: Well Mom, no, not IF you define sex the way Daddy does.

Christmas Lights and Obama

I love Christmas lights. They remind me of the people who voted for Obama. They all hang together, half of the little bastards don't work, and the ones that do aren't that bright!