Who Said That?
It was the first day of school in Marietta, Georgia, and a new student named Suzuki, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. "Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775," he said."Very good! Who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?" Again, no response except from Suzuki. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863," said Suzuki. The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Suzuki, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do." He heard a loud whisper: "Fuck the Japs." "Who said that?" she demanded. Suzuki put his hand up. "Lee Iacocca, 1982." At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke." The teacher glares and asks "All right! Now, who said that?" Again, Suzuki says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991." Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!" Suzuki jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher: "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!" Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, "You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you." Suzuki frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy 2001." The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're fucked." Suzuki said, "The Taliban! 2001."
Clinton and Comey
Q: Why did James Comey refuse to indict Hillary Clinton?
A: Because he found his suicide note in her Wikileaks emails.
Yo Mama - Lincoln
Yo mama so fat, when she sits on a penny Lincoln dies once again!
Ocasio-Cortez purchased an AM radio so she could listen to political talk shows.
It took her two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night.
As part of her 'Green New Deal', Congresswoman Ocasio-Cortez recently suggested that we should be harvesting more energy from the sun. She proposed a fleet of conventional rockets loaded with special solar batteries that would travel to the Sun and collect energy. Scientists challenged her plan suggesting that the ships would burn-up before they even got close!" Ocasio-Cortez responded, "DUH . . . Not if you go at night!"