Shades of Grey
My wife said she wanted to see 50 shades of grey.
So I took a photo of her hair.
Definition of a Lawyer
Q: What's the definition of lawyer?
A: The larval form of a politician.
Ponderings Collection 34
- Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
- Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
- How come abbreviated is such a long word?
- If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
- Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
- Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
- Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?
- If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
- When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss? It sounds like a near hit to me!
- Do fish get cramps after eating?
Q: Is Exxon Mobile rstructuring their workforce because of $30 oil?
A: Yes, they had to lay off 25 Congressmen!
I'D LOVE TO BUT:
- I did my own thing and now I've got to undo it.
- I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products.
- I have to floss my pets.
- I have to go to the post office to see if I'm still wanted.
- I want to spend more time with my blender.
- I'm attending the opening of my garage door.
- I'm building a pig from a kit.
- I'm doing door-to-door collecting for static cling.
- I'm enrolled in aerobic scream therapy.
- I'm getting my overalls overhauled.
- .I'm going through cherry cheesecake withdrawal.
- I'm staying home to work on my mottled yogurt sculptures.
- I'm teaching my ferret to yodel.
- I'm trying to see how long I can go without saying yes.
- I've got plans to go downtown to try on gloves.
- It's my parakeet's bowling night.
- My patent is pending.
- The nice man on television told me to say tuned.