Q: How do crazy people get through the forest?
A: They take the psycho path.
I met Denzel Washington once.
I kept yelling, "Hey, Denzel," and he kept saying, "I'm not Denzel, you fucking racist!" Oh man, classic Denzel.
Checking My Balance
I went to the bank the other day and asked the banker to check my balance, so she pushed me!
Air and Sex
Q: Why is air a lot like sex?
A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
Famous Uses of the F Word
- What the fuck was that? The Mayor of Hiroshima
- Look at all these fucking Indians. General Custer
- Full speed ahead and fuck the icebergs! Captain of the Titanic
- That's not a fucking real gun. John Lennon
- The fucking throttle's stuck. Donald Campbell
- Who's going to fucking know? President Nixon
- Heads are going to fucking roll. Henry VIII
- Watch him, he'll have some fucker's eye out. King Harold
- Scattered showers my fucking ass. Noah
- Where the fuck have you been? Stanley to Livingston
- Can you smell fucking gas? Captain of the Hindenburg
- Fuck you Brutus! Julius Caeser