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The best jokes and joke writers!

The Witch

Two old guys, 80 years old, went to a whore house and told the woman at the door that they wanted the two most beautiful whores. The woman said, "They're old, what are they gonna know?" So she sticks them in the two darkest rooms with blow-up dolls. After they were done, they were walking out of the whore house and old guy #1 says to old guy #2, "How was your whore?" #2 said, "She was horrible. She just laid there like she was dead. Well, how was your whore?" Old guy #1 goes, "She was a witch." #2 responds, "What do you mean a witch?" #1 says, "I bit her tit and she flew out the window!"

Old Feller in for a Checkup

One day an older fella was in for a checkup.

After his examination, his doctor was amazed.

"holy cow! Mr. Edwards, I must say that you are in the greatest shape of any 64 year old I have ever examined!"

"did I say I was 64?"

"Well, no, did I read your chart wrong?"

"damn straight you did! I'm 85!"

"85!! Unbelievable! You would be in great shape if you were25! How old was your father when he died?"

"did I say he was dead?"

"You mean..."

"Damn straight! He's 106 and going strong!"

"my Lord! What a healthy family you must come from! How long did your grandfather live?"

"did I say he was dead?"

"no! You can't mean..."

"Damn straight! He's 126, and getting married next week!"

"126! Truly amazing, Mr. Edwards. But gee, I wouldn't think a man would want to get married at that age!"

"did I say he wanted to get married?..."

Sex Drive is Too High

A feeble old man is in his doctor's office having a check-up. The doctor finishes the check-up says to the man, "So, you seem in fine health. Any problems?" "Yes, Doc," the old man slowly responded. "My sex drive is too high and I need it lowered." This took the doctor quite by surprise. "You're 84 years old, and you're in fine health for a man of your age, and I know men half your age who would kill for a problem like that. So, why are you complaining?" "Well," the old man said, "I see all these sexy nurses at the home, and when I go for a walk, I see all these cute honeys all around, so that's why I'm here, Doc. I want my sex drive lowered. "Still confused, the doctor said, "I would think that at your age, you wouldn't complain about a high sex drive." "Doc," the old man said, "You don't understand. I need my sex drive lowered from here," pointing to his head, "to here," pointing to between his legs.

Old Chatter

You know you're getting old when you tell someone you woke up with a stiffy and they think your wife died in her sleep.

His Penis Has Died

An old man, Mr. Smith, resided in a nursing home. One day he went into the nurses' office and informed Nurse Jones that his penis died. Nurse Jones, realizing the Mr. Smith was old and forgetful decided to play along with him. "It did? I'm sorry to hear that," she replied. Two days later, Mr. Smith was walking down the halls at the nursing home with his penis hanging outside his pants. Nurse Jones saw him and said, "Mr.Smith I thought you told me your penis died". "It did" he replied; "today is the viewing"