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The best jokes and joke writers!

Old Friends - Name

Two old friends met by chance on the street. After chatting for some time, one said to the other, "I'm terribly sorry, but I've forgotten your name. You'll need to tell me." The other stared at him thoughtfully for a long time, then replied, "How soon do you need to know?"

C-Nile Virus

C-Nile is the latest in a string of nasty 'zero day' viruses that are able to bypass even the best scanners from Norton and McAfee.  It uses birth data from recent Target and Home Depot data breaches and focuses on people born prior to 1965.

Symptoms to watch for:

1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice.

2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail.

3. Causes you to send an e-mail to the wrong person.

4. Causes you to forward it back to the person who sent it to you.

5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment.

6. Causes you to hit “SEND” before you've finished. 

7. Causes you to hit “DELETE” instead of “SEND”.

8. Causes you to hit “SEND” when you should “DELETE.”

Yup, it's called the “C-NILE VIRUS.” There is no known fix for this virus.

Hmmm…..have I sent this to you already, or did you just send it to me?

The Name is Rose

It seems that this old couple are having trouble remembering things, so they sign up for a memory course. The course is wonderful; they come home and tell all their relatives, friends, and neighbors about it. Some months later, a neighbor approaches the man as he tends the garden. Neighbor asks, "Say, Ed, what was the name of the instructor of that memory course you liked so much?" Ed replies, "Well, it was...hmmm...let me think a minute... What's the name of that flower, you know, the one that smells so nice, but has thorns on the stems...? Neighbor says, "You mean a rose?" Ed replies, "Yeah, that's it!...(shouting toward house) Hey, Rose, what was the memory course instructor's name?

Top Signs That You're Too Old to Trick or Treat

10. You get winded from knocking on the door.
9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.
8. You ask for high fiber candy only.
7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.
6. People say, "What a scary mask!" but you're not wearing a mask!
5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..." and can't remember the rest.
4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.
3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece.
2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker. and last but not least...
1. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live. Happy Halloween!

Memory Class

An elderly couple had been experiencing declining memories, so they decided to take a power memory class where one is taught to remember things by association. A few days after the class, the old man was outside talking with his neighbor about how much the class helped him. "What was the name of the Instructor?" asked the neighbor. "Oh, ummmm, let's see," the old man pondered. "You know that flower, you know, the one that smells really nice but has those prickly thorns, what's that flower's name?" "A rose?" asked the neighbor. "Yes, that's it," replied the old man. He then turned toward his house and shouted, "Hey, Rose, what's the name of the Instructor we took the memory class from?"