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The best jokes and joke writers!

Warehouse Fire

Two Jewish businessmen meet in the street. "Oy, Abraham, I'm sorry to hear about that fire at your warehouse". "Ssh!" hisses the other, "It's not till next week".

Condom Convention

A representative for a condom company is on her way to a convention. While rushing through the airport, she drops the briefcase carrying her samples of condoms all over the floor. As she is stuffing all the condoms back into her briefcase, she notices tourists giving her crazy looks. "It's ok, she says, "I am doing a huge convention."

More Ways to Annoy People at Work

  1. Practice making fax and modem noises.
  2. During meetings, disassemble your pen and "accidentaly" flip the cartridge across the room.
  3. ALWAYS TYPE WITH CAPS-LOCK ON
  4. type only in lower case.
  5. dontuseanypunctuationorspaceseither
  6. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

Ponderings Collection 14

  • Why do they report power outages on TV?
  • Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?
  • I asked my wife why there were so many dings on the driver's side of her Mercedes and she said the brakes must be bad on that side.
  • After you lose an election, will they let you back into all the exclusive clubs you resigned from?
  • This is the only place in the country where people pull over and stop for a funeral, but speed up to cut off an ambulance or a firetruck.
  • I went out today and bought everything I've been wanting, because now that the elections are over, I know that the politicians are going to take care of the middle class.
  • The best advice for teenagers is, leave home now while you still know everything.
  • I really feel sorry for Madonna's baby, having to grow without a last name.
  • Is it a law of nature that women have to sneeze as soon as they apply their mascara?
  • The two biggest problems in America are making ends meet and making meetings end.

Stop Redundancy

The Committee for the Reduction of Redundancy and the Anti - proliferation of Repetition has decided not to meet until they have their first meeting and thus will not be meeting until the first time. Their Pre-meeting Statement wanted to make this clear before they had their first meeting, so that it would not be un or confusing. So their first meeting will actually be their first meeting and they will not have a meeting before the first meeting. This should avoid having people show up for their first meeting before it is held, since to do so would be confusing to those who did so and this is what they want to avoid by reducing the confusion and lessening the repetition.