I got married to an antenna
The wedding was okay, but the reception was awesome!
Q: What does MC Hammer and antimatter have in common?
A: Can't touch this!
Hawking Blue Screen
Q: What did Stephen Hawking say after his computer crashed?
Train - Derail
A train conductor was texting and missed a red block. The train derailed and there was a terrible crash. Only those in the rear of the train survived. He was put on trial for the murder of nearly a hundred people. He was found guilty and sentenced to death by the electric chair.
When asked what he'd like for his last meal, he replied simply with "A banana, if you will." The prison guard shrugged, got a banana, and gave it to the poor man. The conductor ate the banana in regular fashion and braced himself for death. He was seated on the chair, fastened in, and was ready for what was about to happen.
However, after the electricity was activated, nothing happened to the conductor. The prison warden was surprised and, not knowing what to do they decided to let him go unscathed. The prison guard couldn't contain himself. He simply had to ask, "Sir, how did you survive the electric chair? Did the banana have something to do with it?" The conductor responded: "No, I suppose I'm just not a good conductor."
A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the roof of his building. Just before the man jumps, the physicist yells: "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"