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The best jokes and joke writers!

Flying Chicken

It seems the US Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) has a unique device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. The device is a gun that launches a dead chicken at a plane's windshield at approximately the speed the plane flies. The theory is that if the windshield doesn't crack from the carcass impact, it'll survive a real collision with a bird during flight. It seems the British were very interested in this and wanted to test a windshield on a brand new, speedy locomotive they're developing.

They borrowed the FAA's chicken launcher, loaded the chicken and fired. The ballistic chicken shattered the windshield, went through the engineer's chair, broke an instrument panel and embedded itself in the back wall of the engine cab. The British were stunned and asked the FAA to recheck the test to see if everything was done correctly. The FAA reviewed the test thoroughly and had one recommendation: "Use a thawed chicken."

Observation

Pavlov's dog has gotten into Schrodinger's box, and I'm pretty sure that I can now give a conclusive verdict on the cat's condition.

Quantum in Bar

A quantum particle walks into two bars. In one, he has a few drinks, becomes the life of the party, gets lucky and has a splendid time. In the other he drinks too much, picks a fight with the wrong company and ends up beaten to half of his life.

The next day, he happens to meet an old buddy. After some very small talk, his friend asks, "Hey, so what did you do last night?"

The particle, bruised and beaten shouts, "DAMN IT MAN did you have to ask!!"

American Standards

Q: What would happen if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight?

A: There would be mass confusion.

Atom Breakdown

Q: Where does an atom go when it breaks down?

A: A quantum mechanic.