Q: What do you have if you're holding 1000 milliliters of wet socks?
A: One 'literhosen'.
Blondes and Chemistry
Did you hear about the blonde who thought nitrates were cheaper than day rates?
Rhymes in Chemistry
Old Man Stokes Old man Stokes was a gentleman fine, Who lived beside the Raleigh line; Old anti-Stokes, his existence denied, Lived never-the-less on the other side.
Two hydrogen atoms are at a party and bump into each other. The first one says, "Hey, grab that electron, it's mine!" "How do you know?" asks the second. "'Cause I'm positive!" the first replies!
Chemistry One - Liners
Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium and just couldn't put it down?
Q: What's the formula for water?
Q: What's the formula for an ice cube?
Q: What do you get when you combine Al Gore with O2?
A: Oxymoron The best chemists would definitely not be pet owners. Their idea of a catalyst: 2 bags of cat litter 3 cans of cat food 1 can of flea powder 1 collar
Q: How do you get lean molecules?
A:Feed them titrations.
Q: And why does a white bear melt in water?
A: Because it's polar. Did you hear about the industrialist who had a huge chloroform spill at his factory? His business went insolvent.
Q: What's the most important thing to learn in chemistry?
A: Never lick the spoon.