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The best jokes and joke writers!

Rare Elements

In school one day, the teacher decided that in science class she would teach about the elements. So she stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw element in the world what would it be?" Little Stevie raised his hand and said, "I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Porsche." The teacher nodded and called on little Susie. Little Susie said, "I would want platinum, because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Corvette." The teacher smiled and then called on Little Johnny. Little Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicone." The teacher said, "Why Johnny?" He responded by saying, "Because my mom has two bags of it and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!"

One Day

Teacher: How can one person make so many stupid mistakes in one day?

Little Johnny: I get up early.

Bitter End

Little Johnny's teacher asked him, "Johnny, give me a sentence using the words, "bitter end" in it. Little Johnny thought for a moment and replies, "Our dog chased our cat and he bitter end."

Dirty Words

One day, little Timmy was at school and heard the word "shit". He went home and asked his dad for the definition and he promptly told him, "coats and jackets".

Timmy went to school the next day and heard the word "fucking" and for a second time, asked his father what it meant. His father promptly said "cooking".

Then, he returned to school the third day and heard the words "bitches and hoes". He went home and his father told him it meant "grandpa and grandma".

Later, on Thanksgiving night, his grandparents came over. Timmy answered the door with glee and says..."Hey bitches and hoes! I'll take your shit to the closet cause dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey!

Little Johnny and Venus Statue

The teacher, brought a Venus statue in class and asks: "What do you like best about it?"
"The artwork," says Robert.
"Very good. And you, Peter?"
"Tits!"
"Peter, get out! And you, Johnny?"
"I'm leaving, teacher, I'm leaving."