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The best jokes and joke writers!

Little Johnny's Alphabet

Little Johnny is in class. The teacher is going through the alphabet, having each child think up a word that starts with a letter. They get to "W", and the teacher figures Little Johnny can't think up anything dirty with a "W" so she calls on him. "Womb!", Little Johnny says. "That's a good word, Johnny", teacher says. "Is that as in, where babies come from?" she asks. "No," says Johnny, "that's the sound elephants make when they're screwing, you know, 'Womb! Womb! Womb!"

Little Johnny Cussing

The teacher hears Little Johnny cussing, and gets pissed off. She goes bitching to Little Johnny's father. She comes to Little Johnny's house and sees Little Johnny fucking a goat in the front yard. She walks in the house and screams to his father, "Your son! Your son! He cussed in the school and now... now he's being carnal with a goat in the front yard!" Little Johnny's father goes running out the door yelling, "Son of a bitch! Today is my turn!"

Assignment

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny Pat?"

"Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters."

"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days." The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny, Billy?"

"Well miss, I just saw both of your garters." Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom!" This time the punishment is more severe; "I don't want to see you for three weeks."

Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again, so she bends over to pick it up. This time there is a burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom. "Where do you think you are going?" she asks.

"Well teacher, from what I just saw, my school days are over!"

A Little Period

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude.

But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was.

"It's a period" reported Johnnie. "Well I can see that" she said. "But what is so exciting about a period?"

"Damned if I know" said Johnnie, "but this morning my fifteen-year-old sister said she missed two. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next door shot himself."

Moral of the Story

One day at the end of class little Billy's teacher had the class go home and think of a story and then conclude the moral of that story.The following day, the teacher asked for the first volunteer to tell a story. Suzy said, "Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road." The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Suzy replies, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket." Next is little Lucy. "Well, my dad owns a farm too and every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only 8 of the 12 eggs hatched." The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Lucy replies "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched."Last is little Billy. "My uncle Ken fought in the Iraq war. His Black Hawk helicopter was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed with only a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the way down he drank the case of beer. Unfortunately, he landed right in the middle of 100 mean and nasty Iraqi Republican Guard soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun but ran out of ammunition, so he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. The blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands." The teacher looks in shock at Billy and asks if there is possibly any moral to his story. Billy replies, "Don't fuck with uncle Ken when he's been drinking."