Little Johnny Grounded
Little Johnny's friend calls to invite him over, but little Johnny says, "I can't, I'm grounded." His friend asks, "Why?" and he replies, "My mom called me a son of a bitch, and I said, 'Yup, you got that right.'"
A traveling salesman rings this doorbell. 10 year old little Johnny answers, holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar. The salesman says, "little boy is your mother home?" Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, "what do you think?"
Johnny and the Neighborhood Boys
Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime -- Little Johnny always takes the nickel. One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor man takes him aside and says, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don't you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel's bigger?" Johnny grins and says, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've made $20!"
Little Johnny and the Newborn Baby
Little Johnny's next door neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born with no ears. When they arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Johnny's family to come over and see their new baby. Johnny's parents were afraid that their son would have a wise crack to say about the baby, so his dad pulled Johnny aside before going to the neighbors. He said "Now, son, that poor baby was born without any ears. I want you to be on your best behavior and not say one word about his ears or I am really going to spank you when we get back home." "I promise not to mention his ears at all!" said Little Johnny. At the neighbors home, Johnny leaned over in the crib and touched the baby's hand. He looked at the newborn's mother and said, "Oh, what a beautiful little baby!" The mother said, "Thank you very much, Johnny." He then said, "Your baby has perfect little hands and perfect little feet. Why, just look at his pretty little eyes! Did his doctor say that he can see good?" The Mother said "Why yes, Johnny, his doctor said he has 20/20 vision." Looking relieved, Johnny said "Well, its a darn good thing, cause he sure couldn't wear glasses!"
Put Something In It
Little Susie, a six-year-old, complained, "Mother, I've got a stomach ache." "That's because your stomach is empty," the mother replied. "You would feel better if you had something in it." That afternoon, her father came complaining that he had a severe headache all day. Susie perked up, "That's because it's empty," she said. "You'd feel better if you had something in it."