Why Two Nostrils?
A mother was having dinner with her two young children when her three year old daughter asked her why there were two holes in your nose. Her four year old son quickly responded with, "So you can still breath when you pick your nose!"
Looks Like Plastic, Feels Like Rubber
An attorney went into a bar for a martini and found himself beside a scruffy-looking drunk who kept mumbling and studying something in his hand. He leaned closer while the drunk held the tiny object up to the light, slurring, "well, it looks plastic." Then he rolled it between his fingers, adding, "but it feels like rubber. "Curious, the attorney asked, "What do you have there?" The drunk replied, "I don't know, but it looks like plastic and feels like rubber." The attorney responded, "Let me take a look." So the drunk handed it over and the lawyer rolled between his thumb and fingers, then examined it closely by sniffing and licking it. "Yeah, it does look like plastic and feel like rubber, has no significant smell or taste, I sure don't know what it is. Where did you get it?" The drunk replied, "Out of my nose!"
My wife is too afraid of cockroaches. One fine day, I heard a scream from my wife. She saw a cockroach and was screaming. I asked her to take the killing spray and to spray it on the cockroach. She took the spray and turned to me and said, "This spray is only to kill mosquitos, and how can it work for the cockroach?" I said to her, "Don't show the label to the cockroach."
Ate Her First
Little Johnny sat playing in the garden. When his mother came out to collect him, she saw that he was slowly eating a worm. She turned pale. "No, Johnny! Stop! That's horrible! You can't eat worms!" Trying to convince him further, "Now the mother worm is looking all over for her nice baby-worm." "No, she isn't," said Johnny. "Why not?" "Because I ate her first!"
No Worms Please
A friend went to the kitchen window to check on her two-year-old son, who was playing in the yard with some older children in the neighborhood. She was horrified to see that they were feeding him an earthworm. She quickly opened the window and screamed at them, "Don't feed him worms! They'll make him sick!" They looked up at her puzzled and asked, "Was he sick yesterday?"