You Are No Longer Young
- You find yourself listening to talk radio.
- You daughter says she got pierced and you look at her ears.
- The pattern on your shorts and couch match.
- You fondly remember your powder blue leisure suit.
- You think Tragically Hip is when a middle-aged man gets a new sports car, hair piece and a 20 year old girlfriend.
- You criticize the kids of today for their satanic suicide-inducing music, forgetting that you rocked to Alice Cooper and Black Sabbath.
- You call the police on a noisy party next door instead of grabbing beer and joining it.
- You turn down free tickets to a rock concert because you have to work the next day.
- When grass is something that you cut, not cultivate.
- When jogging is something you do to your memory.
- Getting a little action means your prune juice is working.
- All the cars behind you flash their headlights.
- You remember the "Rolling Stones" as a rock group not a corporation.
- You bought your first car for the same price you paid for your son's new running shoes.
- You actually ASK for your father's advice.
- You know how to operate a fax machine.
- When someone mentions TWEETING you picture birds singing.
Q: Why did the dog sit in the shade?
A: Because he didn't want to be a hot dog!
Q: How do cows do mathematics?
A: They use a cow-culator.
What a Guy
If sex with two other people is a threesome, and sex with three others is a foursome, then I guess that makes me handsome.
I don't know what the big deal is about Black Friday.
All Fridays matter.