We're sorry, but it appears that you are using an anonymous proxy. To prevent fraudulent voting, we don't allow votes from anonymous proxies.

This contest requires users to be registered in order to vote.

You must be a registered user to submit a joke.  But registering is FREE and don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address, and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).

You must complete account validation before submitting jokes. Click here to go to your profile page to complete the process.

We’re sorry, but your browser settings indicate that you don’t want to be tracked.  You can either disable that setting or simply register for a FREE account, so we’ll know that you want us to track your preferences and feedback.  Don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).


The best jokes and joke writers!

You Are No Longer Young

  • You find yourself listening to talk radio.
  • You daughter says she got pierced and you look at her ears.
  • The pattern on your shorts and couch match.
  • You fondly remember your powder blue leisure suit.
  • You think Tragically Hip is when a middle-aged man gets a new sports car, hair piece and a 20 year old girlfriend.
  • You criticize the kids of today for their satanic suicide-inducing music, forgetting that you rocked to Alice Cooper and Black Sabbath.
  • You call the police on a noisy party next door instead of grabbing beer and joining it.
  • You turn down free tickets to a rock concert because you have to work the next day.
  • When grass is something that you cut, not cultivate.
  • When jogging is something you do to your memory.
  • Getting a little action means your prune juice is working.
  • All the cars behind you flash their headlights.
  • You remember the "Rolling Stones" as a rock group not a corporation.
  • You bought your first car for the same price you paid for your son's new running shoes.
  • You actually ASK for your father's advice.
  • You know how to operate a fax machine.
  • When someone mentions TWEETING you picture birds singing.

Shady Dog

Q: Why did the dog sit in the shade?

A: Because he didn't want to be a hot dog!

Cow Counting

Q: How do cows do mathematics?

A: They use a cow-culator.

What a Guy

If sex with two other people is a threesome, and sex with three others is a foursome, then I guess that makes me handsome.

Black Friday

I don't know what the big deal is about Black Friday.

All Fridays matter.