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The best jokes and joke writers!

You Are No Longer Young

  • You find yourself listening to talk radio.
  • You daughter says she got pierced and you look at her ears.
  • The pattern on your shorts and couch match.
  • You fondly remember your powder blue leisure suit.
  • You think Tragically Hip is when a middle-aged man gets a new sports car, hair piece and a 20 year old girlfriend.
  • You criticize the kids of today for their satanic suicide-inducing music, forgetting that you rocked to Alice Cooper and Black Sabbath.
  • You call the police on a noisy party next door instead of grabbing beer and joining it.
  • You turn down free tickets to a rock concert because you have to work the next day.
  • When grass is something that you cut, not cultivate.
  • When jogging is something you do to your memory.
  • Getting a little action means your prune juice is working.
  • All the cars behind you flash their headlights.
  • You remember the "Rolling Stones" as a rock group not a corporation.
  • You bought your first car for the same price you paid for your son's new running shoes.
  • You actually ASK for your father's advice.
  • You know how to operate a fax machine.
  • When someone mentions TWEETING you picture birds singing.

Shady Dog

Q: Why did the dog sit in the shade?

A: Because he didn't want to be a hot dog!

Cow Counting

Q: How do cows do mathematics?

A: They use a cow-culator.

What a Guy

If sex with two other people is a threesome, and sex with three others is a foursome, then I guess that makes me handsome.

Black Friday

I don't know what the big deal is about Black Friday.

All Fridays matter.