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The best jokes and joke writers!

What is SWM?

Q:  What does SWM stand for in a personal column advertisement?

A:  Sneaking While Married.

Real Advertisements

(Supposedly, these are actual advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country.)

For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy.

Great Dames for sale. Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.

Tired of cleaning yourself?  Let me do it.

Dog for sale: Eats anything and is fond of children.

Vacation Special: Have your home exterminated.

If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery.  It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin.

Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in. The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities.

Lost Dog

He lost his dog, but he won't put an ad in the newspaper. He says it's no use -- his dog can't read.

Actual Advertisements

Actual advertisements: 

Modular Sofas. Only $299. For rest or fore play.

Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.

Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred.

Our experienced Mom will care of your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.

Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.

Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery.

Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.

Holcross pullets. Starting to lay Betty Clayton, Granite 5-6204.

Illiterate? Write today for free help.

Real Advertisements - 5

Supposedly, these are actual advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country.

  • Wanted: Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.
  • Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
  • Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.
  • And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
  • We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.
  • Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting - off - head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.
  • For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.
  • Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.
  • Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.