I'm coming home to get married soon, so get your check book out. I'm in love with a boy who is far away from me. As you know, I am in Australia, and he lives in Scotland. We met on a dating website, became friends on Facebook and had long chats on Whatsapp. He proposed to me on Skype and now we've had two months of a relationship through Viber.
My beloved and favorite Dad, I need your blessing, good wishes and a really big wedding. Lots of love and thanks. Your favorite daughter, Lilly
My Dear Lilly,
Like Wow! Really? Cool! and a big whatever... I suggest you two get married on Twitter, have fun on Tango, buy your kids on Amazon and pay for it all through PayPal. And when you get fed up with this new husband, sell his sorry ass on eBay!
Love, Your Dad
A little girl walks into her parents' bathroom and notices for the First time, her father's nakedness. Immediately, she is curious: he has equipment that she doesn't have. She asks, "What are those round things hanging there, daddy?" Proudly, he replies, "Those, sweetheart, are God's Apples of Life. Without them we wouldn't be here." Puzzled, she seeks her mommy out and tells her what daddy has said. To which mommy asks, "Did he say anything about the dead branch they're hanging from?"
The girl admitted under parental questioning that she was pregnant, but couldn't say who was responsible. "All right!" bellowed her Mother, "you march yourself to your room, and don't come out until you can give us a definite answer." Later that nite her voice rang down the stairs. "Hey Mom, I think I have an idea now." "I should hope so!" the Mother responded. "The very idea that any daughter of mine could get pregnant, let alone not know the father." "Chill Mom." the girl said. "I got it narrowed down to the band or the football team!"
Love, Love, Love
One of the most painful things in the world is when you say "I love you" and it isn't reciprocated
Especially when you've just said it to your parents
Enjoy the Fries
A young woman asked her mom if she could go out for some fries and eat them with friends for 2 hours. Her mom said, "Sure." However, the daughter went to her boyfriends and had sex with him for 2 hours. When she came back home, her mom asked her how the fries were. The daughter replied, "Nice!" The mom said, "I can tell you enjoyed them; there's still mayonnaise dripping from your face."