One day wee Jordan was out walking with his lass in the fields of Scotland. While walking through the heather the lass says; "ah wee Jordan I can tell you want to hold my hand!" Wee Jordan says "aye lass that I do, but how can you tell?" "Well" she says "I can tell by the gleam in your eye." Walking along a bit further she says to him "wee Jordan I can tell you want to give me a kiss". "Well, aye lass that I do, but how can you tell?" "Ah wee Jordan, i can tell by the gleam in your eye!" Walking along a bit further she says "Wee Jordan I can tell you want to make love to me." He says, "Aye lass that I do! you can tell by the gleam in my eye!" "No!" she says... "by the tilt in your kilt!"
Wear Under a Kilt
A young lady asked the Scotsman what he wore under his kilt. "Reach up there and find out." She did, but quickly pulled her hand back out and said, "Oh, it's gruesome!" "Aye, it has," replied the Scotsman, "and if you put your hand backup there, it'll grow some more!"
Three guys, one Irish, one English, and one Scottish, are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes in total," says the Genie. The Scottish guy says, "I am a fisherman, my Dad's a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity." So, with a blink of the Genie's eye FOOM! the oceans were teaming with fish. The Englishman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around England, protecting her, so that no one will get in for all eternity." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye POOF! there was a huge wall around England. The Irishman asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, protecting England so that nothing can get in or out." The Irishman says, "Fill it up with water."
A Scottish lad and lass were sitting together on a heathery hill in the Highlands. They had been silent for a while; then the lass said, "A penny for your thoughts."
The lad was a bit abashed, but he finally said, "Well, I was thinkin' how nice it would be if ye'd give me a wee bit of a kiss."
So she did so. But he again lapsed into a pensive mood which lasted long enough for the lass to ask him, "What arre ye thinkin' now?"
To which the lad replied: "Well, I was hopin' ye hadn't forgot the penny!"
Odd Group in a Bar
A nun, a priest, an Irishman, a Scotsman, a rabbi and a blonde walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and asks, "Is this some kind of joke?"