Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager. Upon completion of the test both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Murphy and said Manager: "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the American the job."Murphy: "And why would you be doing that? We both got nine questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish I should get the job! "Manager: "We have made our decisions not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed."Murphy: "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other? "Manager: "Simple, the American put down on question #5, "I don't know.", You put down "Neither do I."
The Final FBI Test
There is an Englishman, a Frenchman and a Ukranian and they are in their final stages of training for the FBI. The agents explained to them their final test. "We have each one of your wives contained in separate cells and what you guys have to do in order to complete your FBI training is you have to prove your loyalty. You must grab that gun and go into your wife's cell and kill her." The englishman grabbed the gun. "Man I hate that bitch. She is going to get it good." He walked off into the cell and was in there for about a minute. There was just silence. He came out crying, "We've been married too long. I just cant do it." So he was booted out. The frenchman grabbed the gun. "If I must, I must." He went into his wife's cell for about a minute and there was silence. He came walking out crying, "I love her too much. I just can't do it." So he was booted out. So the Ukranian grabbed the gun and stormed into his wife's cell. "That fucking bitch is really going to get it." Gun shots went off until there was no more shots left. He was still in the room and all of a sudden, there was banging and scrapping and crashing and then silence. The Ukranian came out with cuts and bruises all over his face. The agent asked, "What the hell happened in there?" The Ukranian replied, "Some fucker put blanks in the gun so I had to strangle the bitch!"
A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an American on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives. "Last night I made love to my wife four times," the Frenchman bragged, "And this morning she made me delicious crepes and she told me how much she adored me."
"Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times," the Italian responded, "And this morning she made me a wonderful omelet and told me she could never love another man."
When the American remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked, "And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?"
"Once," he replied.
"Only once?" the Italian arrogantly snorted. "And what did she say to you this morning?"
We Have So Many
A Russian, a Cuban, an American and a lawyer are in a train. The Russian takes a bottle of the Best Vodka out of his pack, pours some into a glass, drinks it, and says: "In USSR, we have the best vodka of the world, nowhere in the world you can find Vodka as good as the one we produce in Ukraine. And we have so much of it, that we can just throw it away." Saying that, he opens the window and throws the rest of the bottle through it. All the others are quite impressed. The Cuban takes out a pack of Havanas, takes one of them, lights it and begins to smoke it saying: "In Cuba, we have the best cigars of the world: Havanas. Nowhere in the world there is so many and so good cigar and we have so much of them, that we can just throw them away." Saying that, he throws the pack of Havanas thru the window. Again, everybody is quite impressed. At this time, the American just stands up, opens the window, and throws the lawyer through it..
Nasa's Astronaut's Baggage
Once upon a time Nasa decided to send 3 astronauts to space for 2 years. One was American, one was Russian, and the other was English. NASA allowed each of them to take 200 pounds of baggage each. The American decided to take along his wife, the Englishman decided to take along books to learn how to speak German, whilst the Russian decided to take along cigarettes. Two years later, when the space shuttle landed, there was a big crowd waiting to welcome them home. First came the American and his wife, and each of them had a baby in their arms. Next came the Englishman speaking fluent German. They both gave their speeches and got a rousing round of applause. Suddenly, out came the Russian with a cigarette in his mouth. He walked up to the podium, snarled at the crowd, and asked, "Has anyone got a friggin' match?"