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The best jokes and joke writers!

Economists in Parades

At the last May Day parade in the Soviet Union, after the tanks and the troops and the planes and the missiles rolled by there came ten men dressed in black. "Are they Spies?" Asked Gorby? "They are economists," replies the KGB director, "imagine the havoc they will wreak when we set them loose on the Americans"

Ten Reasons It's great to Be An American

  1. You can have a woman president without electing her
  2. You can spell "colour" wrong and get away with it
  3. You can call Budweiser beer
  4. You can be a crook and still be president...in fact, if you've got enough money you can get elected to do anything
  5. If you can breathe you can get a gun
  6. You can invent a new public holiday every year
  7. You can play golf in the most hideous clothes ever made and nobody seems to care.
  8. You get to call everyone you've never met "buddy"
  9. You can think you're the greatest nation on earth.
  10. You can get a pizza within minutes of ordering.

Apologizing to China

Time sensitive note: This joke pertains to the crash of a Chinese plane into a United States plane over International waters. China demanded an apology from us and stole technology from our plane when it was forced to make an emergency landing in Chinese lands.

Dear China,

We're sorry you don't train your fighter pilots better. As a token of our apology, here's a copy of Microsoft Flight Simulator 2000. We're also sorry your front-line fighter planes can't outmaneuver a 35-year old prop-driven airliner. Perhaps you'd like to purchase some surplus 1950's-era Lockheed Starfighters from Taiwan... since they just replaced all theirs with new F-16's.We're also sorry you believe your territorial waters extend all the way to Australia. For future reference, here's an American 6th grade geography textbook. (Please note the Copyright information printed inside the cover.) In addition, we're sorry you can't seem to see your part of this incident. We know it seems easier to blame others than to take responsibility. Consider this while we build several new Aegis destroyers for our friends in Taiwan. Finally, we're sorry we granted you Most-Favored-Nation trading status. This will be rectified at the soonest possible opportunity. Along those lines, we're especially sorry we treated you with such respect for the last 20 years. We'll definitely rethink this policy, and will probably go back to treating you like a street gang very soon.

Sincerely,

The People of the United States of America

Biden's simplified Income Taxes

Q: How much money did you make last year?

A: Send it to us.

USA Time Behind England

Q: Why is the time in the USA behind that of England?

A: Because England was discovered before the USA!