Got my first report about my progress at the Impotence Club.
It said "Must try harder"
A polish construction worker accidentally cuts off one of his ears with an electric saw. He calls out to a guy walking on the street below, "Hey, do you see my ear down there?" The guy on the street picks up an ear, "Is this it?" "No," replies the construction worker, "mine had a pencil behind it."
Q: What's the difference between a rectal thermometer and an oral thermometer?
A: The taste!
The Doctor Backs Away
Don't you just hate it when you go to the doctor, and you're sitting on the examination table telling him about your symptoms, and with each new one you describe, he backs a little further away?
A Dose of HMO's Own Medicine
A doctor, a nurse, and the top executive of an HMO have all died and are in line together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter speaks with them and asks what good each has done in their life.
Doctor: "I have devoted my life to the sick and needy and have had a part in caring for, and healing thousands of poor people."
St. Peter: "That's great. Go ahead in to heaven. And what about you, dear?"
Nurse: "I've supported the good doctor and his patients my entire life as an adult."
St. Peter: "Wonderful. Please proceed in with the doctor. And what about you?"
Health Maintenance Organizaton Director: "I was the president of a very large HMO and was responsible for the healthcare of millions of people all over the country."
St. Peter: "Oh, I see. Please go in.. but you can only stay two nights!"