Yo Mama - Menopause
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she thought menopause was a button on the DVD player.
Shortly after her wedding, the newlywed wife is complaining to her mother about her husband's insatiable sexual appetite. "He wants to do it 15 times a day, anytime, anyplace, anywhere -- on the table, on the stairs, on the sofa, in the car, in the morning, in the afternoon, and in the evening. I can barely walk anymore!" The mother advises her daughter to tell him that she has her period, which seems like a good idea. So that evening, when the husband comes home from work, he proceeds to undress himself and his wife, when she stops him. "I'm sorry sweetie, but it's that time of the month." The husband gets up, looks at his wife, and says, "It's all good honey. I understand." He puts on a robe and walks away. The wife is somewhat surprised at the mature reaction of her husband, until a few minutes later he returns holding two glasses and a bottle of champagne. So she asks, "What's going on, dear?" "We're celebrating!" he replies. "Celebrating? What exactly are we celebrating?" she asks. "Anal sex week!"
10 Way to know if you have PMS
- Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
- You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
- The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
- Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
- You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says, "How's my driving - call 1-800-***-****."
- Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
- You're convinced there's a God and he's male.
- You're counting down the days until menopause.
- You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
- The Motrin bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.
Tampons and Cigarettes
A man walks into a pharmacy and tells the salesgirl that he's looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him to the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for tampons for your wife?" "You see, it's like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came home with a tin of tobacco and some rolling paper. So, I figure, if I have to roll my own, so does she."
Blonde Vs. Terrorist
Q: What's the difference between a blonde having her period and a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.