Herman the hypochondriac began sobbing before a doctor...
Herman the hypochondriac began sobbing before a doctor. "I'm sure I've got a liver disease, and I'm gonna die from it."
"Ridiculous," said the doctor. "You'd never know if you had the disease or not. With that ailment there's no discomfort of any kind."
"Right," said Herman, "those are my exact symptoms."
Lone Ranger and Tonto Troubles
One day Lone Ranger and his side kick Tonto were out riding when Lone Ranger had to take a piss. So Lone Ranger goes over to the bush pulls down his pants and then he screams. He runs over to Tonto and says, "Tonto I've been bitten by a snake on my penis go to town and ask the doctor what to do." So Tonto rides to town and goes to the doctor and says "Doctor, Lone Ranger has been bit by a snake what do I do?" The doctor looks at Tonto and says, "You take a knife and make an x on the spot where he was bit, then you suck out the venim." Tonto thanks the doctor and rides back to Lone Ranger and Lone Ranger asks "What did the doctor say?" Tonto looks at Lone Ranger and says "Doctor say you gonna die!"
Two Things To Worry About
There are only two things to worry about: Either you are well or you are sick.
If you are well, there is nothing to worry about; but if you are sick, there are two things to worry about: either you will get well, or you will die. If you get well, there is nothing to worry about; if you die, there are only two things to worry about: either you will go to heaven or to hell. If you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about. But, if you go to hell you'll be so darned busy shaking hands with friends you won't have time to worry...
A Man Reached the Age of 105
A pious man who had reached the age of 105 suddenly stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow's absence after so many years of faithful attendance, the Rabbi went to see him. He found him in excellent health, so the Rabbi asked, "How come after all these years we don't see you at services anymore?" The old man looked around and lowered his voice. "I'll tell you, Rabbi," he whispered. "When I got to be 90, I expected God to take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then 100, then 105. So I figured that God is very busy and must've forgotten about me, and I don't want to remind Him!"
Were the first people to be diagnosed with AIDs called first aiders?