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The best jokes and joke writers!

Stuck Microphone

The huge Air Canada Jumbo jet is just coming into Pearson Airport (Toronto) on its final approach. The pilot comes on over the intercom. "This is Capt. Johnson, we're on our final descent into Toronto. I want to thank you for flying with us today and enjoy your stay in Toronto".

Well the Capt. forgets to switch off the intercom. The whole plane can now hear the conversation from the cockpit. The co-pilot says to the pilot, "Well skipper, wotcha gonna do in Toronto?"

Now all ears in the plan are listening in to this conversation. "Well", says the skipper, "First I'm gonna check into the hotel and go for a mega-huge dump. Then I'm gonna take that new stewardess out for supper, you know, the one with the huge tits. I'm gonna wine and dine her, take her back to my room and slip the old salami to her all night".

Well, everyone in the planes trying to get a look at the new stewardess. She's so embarrassed she runs from the back of the plane to try and get to the cockpit to get the intercom off. Half way down, she trips over an old ladies handbag - ***splat *** and down she goes. The old lady leans over and says, "No need to run dearie, he's got to go for a shit first!"

Blind Skunk

Did you hear about the blind skunk who fell in love with a fart?

Poop Definitions

Ghost Poop: You feel the poop come out, but there is no poop in the toilet.
Clean Poop: You poop, it's in the toilet, but there's nothing on the toilet paper.
Second Wave Poop: You're done pooping and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, but something tells you you're not done.
Gassy Poop: Everyone within earshot is giggling.
Corn Poop: Self-explanatory.
Wet Cheeks Poop: (The power dump) Comes out of your butt so fast, your cheeks get splashed with water.
Upper Class Poop: This poop doesn't smell.
The Dangling Poop: This poop refuses to drop, and you just pray that a shake will do it.

Last Meal

An infamous killer is on death row. He is allowed one last meal an hour before he dies. So the guy asks if he can have his favorite food. He wants Mexican. The guards give him what he wants. An hour goes by and it is time for his death. One guard asks if he had any last words. The guy replies, "Yeah... pull my finger."

Rich Aroma

I've just read an article about a 91 year old woman who lives with 130 cats. The smell of piss and shit must be horrendous. I don't know how the cats put up with it.