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The best jokes and joke writers!

Old Woman Visits Doctor

An old woman came into her doctor's office and confessed to an embarrassing problem. "I fart all the time, Doctor Johnson, but they're soundless, and they have no odor. In fact, since I've been here, I've farted no less than twenty times. What can I do?" "Here's a prescription, Mrs. Harris. Take these pills three times a day for seven days and comeback and see me in a week." Next week an upset Mrs. Harris marched into Dr. Johnson's office. "Doctor, I don't know what was in those pills, but the problem is worse! I'm farting just as much, but now they smell terrible! What do you have to say for yourself?" "Calm down, Mrs.Harris," said the doctor soothingly. "Now that we've fixed your sinuses, we'll work on your hearing."

20 Ways To Annoy A Public Bathroom Stallmate

  1. Stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "'May I borrow a highlighter?"
  2. Say, "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't have put my lips on that."
  3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.
  4. Say, "Damn, this water's cold."
  5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh shit! My glass eye!"
  6. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."
  7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantelope into the toilet bowl from a height of 6 feet. Sigh relaxingly.
  8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"
  9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."
  10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!"
  11. Say, "Interesting.. more floaters than sinkers."
  12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop the wad under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here please?"
  13. Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me."
  14. Fill a balloon with creamed corn. Rush into the stall with your hand over your mouth and let out a lengthy vomit impression while you squeeze the balloon and splatter cream corn all about. Apologize profusely and blame it on the fettucine alfredo you had for breakfast.
  15. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot."
  16. Say, "Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"
  17. Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.
  18. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your 'Cross-Dressers Anonymous' newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.
  19. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall, adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"
  20. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing 'Born Free'.

Poop Definitions

Ghost Poop: You feel the poop come out, but there is no poop in the toilet.
Clean Poop: You poop, it's in the toilet, but there's nothing on the toilet paper.
Second Wave Poop: You're done pooping and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, but something tells you you're not done.
Gassy Poop: Everyone within earshot is giggling.
Corn Poop: Self-explanatory.
Wet Cheeks Poop: (The power dump) Comes out of your butt so fast, your cheeks get splashed with water.
Upper Class Poop: This poop doesn't smell.
The Dangling Poop: This poop refuses to drop, and you just pray that a shake will do it.

Poop Jokes

Poop jokes aren’t my favorite jokes.

But they’re a solid number two.

Yo Mama - Farting

Yo' Mama is so poor, when she farts, her holey underwear whistles.