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The best jokes and joke writers!

2020 Review

1. The dumbest thing I ever bought was a 2020 planner.

2. I was so bored I called Jake from State Farm just to talk to someone. He asked me what I was wearing.

3. 2019:  Stay away from negative people.  2020:  Stay away from positive people.

4. The world has turned upside down.  Old folks are sneaking out of the house, and their kids are yelling at them to stay indoors!

5. This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her dog.  It was obvious she thought her dog understood her.  I came into my house and told my cat.  We laughed a lot.

6. Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit.  Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.

7. Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands?

8. This virus has done what no woman has been able to do.  Cancel sports, shut down all bars, and keep men at home!

9. I never thought the comment, “I wouldn’t touch him or her with a 6-foot pole” would become a national policy, but here we are!

10. I need to practice physical-distancing from the refrigerator

11. I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to the Backyard.  I’m getting tired of the Living Room.

12. Never in a million years could I have imagined I would go up to a bank teller wearing a mask and asking for money.

Go Mexico

I’m surprised the Corona virus started in China

I thought it would have started in Mexico.

No Toilet Paper

Q: Why is the fear of Coronavirus causing a run on toilet paper?

A: Because when someone sneezes, everyone within 25 feet shits their pants

Flip Side

As a responsible employer, All my staff are in a two-week quarantine.

Productivity is through the roof since nobody can leave the office.

New Habits

 I used to cough to cover a fart, now I fart to cover a cough.