Irishman Too Drunk
An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar was closing. So the Irishman stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time; same result. He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the 4 blocks to his home. When he arrived at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and was sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, "So, you've been out drinking again!" "What makes you say that?" he asked, putting on an innocent look. "The pub called -- you left your wheelchair there again."
Car Accident Diagnosis
There was a man who got into a car accident. He was soon rushed to the hospital. The left side of his body was completely paralyzed. The doctor said, "He was going to be all right."
Better Than Winning
Q: What is better than winning gold at the Para-Olympics?
A boxer named Mongo Wogchops successfully returns to the ring after losing both his legs in a car accident. His professional record now stands at 10 wins without defeet!
Handicapped Oral Sex
Q: What is it called if two people in wheelchairs are having oral sex?
A: Meals on wheels.