Dark Humor Jokes
Two guys are sitting in a fourth story bar drinking. The first guy stands up and says, "I'm done," and walks to the window, jumps out, then blows right back in. He says, "I knew it, the draft was too strong," and he sits back down.
A few minutes later, the other guy says, "I'm done," and jumps out the window and falls to his death. The bartender turns to the first guy and says, "Superman, you sure are an asshole when you're drunk!"
Three guys were working on a high rise building project: Steve, Bill and Charlie. Steve falls off the high rise and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Charlie says, "Someone should go and tell his wife."
Bill says, "OK, I`m pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I`ll do it."
2 hours later, he comes back carrying a 6-pack. Charlie says, "Where did you get that, Bill?"
"Steve`s wife gave it to me."
"That`s unbelievable," Charlie says "You told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you the beer?"
Bill says,"Well not exactly. When she answered the door, I said to her, `You must be Steve`s widow.`
She said, `No, I`m not a widow.'
And I said, 'Wanna bet me a six-pack?'"
Q: Where do black people wear suits?
A: Courts & coffins
Looking For A Dentist
A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the man next to him he said, "I forgot my teeth." The man said, "No problem." With that he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. "Try these," he said. The speaker tried them. "Too loose," he said. The man then said, "I have another pair... try these." The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight." The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more pair of false teeth... try them. "The speaker said, "They fit perfectly." With that he ate his meal and gave his address. After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him. "I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've been looking for a good dentist." The man replied, "I'm not a dentist. I'm the local undertaker."
A redneck brings his daughter to the gynecologist for birth control pills. The doctor asks, "Is your daughter sexually active?" The redneck says, "Naw, she just lays there like her mother."