A husband and his wife who have been married 20 years were doing some yard work. The man was working hard cleaning the BBQ grill while his wife was bending over, weeding flowers from the flower bed. So the man says to his wife "Your rear end is almost as wide as this grill!" She ignores the remark. Later that night while in bed, her husband starts to feel frisky. The wife calmly responds, "If you think I'm gonna fire up the grill for one little wiener, you are sadly mistaken."
I have discovered the answer to a question that has been puzzling scientists for hundreds of years.
Q: What is the exact difference between a split second and a nanosecond?
A: My girlfriend and I were getting ready to go to a movie when, right as we were about to leave home, my girlfriend asked me the question all guys dread. She asked, “Does this make my butt look big?” If I had said “no” in a nanosecond, we’d have been out the door. Since I took a split second, she had to go to the mall and buy new outfits with jewelry, shoes, and purses to match.
DNA to DNA
Q: What did the DNA say to the other DNA?
A: Do these genes make my butt look fat?
A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a full length mirror. This does little to help, as now she just stands in front of the mirror, looking at herself, asking him how she looks.
One day, fresh out of the shower, she is yet again in front of the mirror, now complaining that her breasts are too small. Uncharacteristically, the husband comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper, and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."
Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper, and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. "How long will this take?" she asks.
"They'll grow larger over a period of years," he replies.
The wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts grow over the years?"
The husband shrugs. "Why not, it worked for your butt, didn't it?" (He lived, and, with a great deal of therapy, he might walk again.)
Yo Mama - Congressman
Yo mama so fat, her butt has it's own congressman.