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How to Wash a Cat

  1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
  2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water and have both lids up.
  3. Find the cat and soothe him while you carry him toward the bathroom.
  4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. (You may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape.) The cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from your toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.  CAUTION:  Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his claws will be reaching out for anything they can find.
  5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a Power "Wash" and "Rinse", which I have found to be quite effective.
  6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.
  7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
  8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.
    Sincerely,
    THE DOG

Difference between Cats and Dogs

A dog thinks: "Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... They must be Gods! A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... I must be a God!

Cat's Sense of Direction

A man hated his wife's cat and he decided to get rid of it. He drove 20 blocks away from home and dropped the cat there. The cat was already walking up the driveway when he approached his home. The next day, he decided to drop the cat 40 blocks away but the same thing happened. He kept on increasing the number of blocks but the cat kept on coming home before him. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached what he thought was a perfect spot and dropped the cat there. Hours later, the man calls his wife at home and asked her, "Jen is the cat there?" "Yes, why do you ask?" answered the wife. Frustrated the man said, "Put that cat on the phone, I'm lost and I need directions."

Cat Technical Support

This is an actual account by a worker at a technical support and service center. One particular customer had an old console - type machine with a print head that would ride back and forth on a spiral shaft. They also had a big bushy cat who liked to sit on the edge of the printer next to the operator. Well, one day we got a service call that said, "Cat caught in machine, come quick!" When I arrived I saw everyone sitting around mending their various wounds, scratches and contusions. No sight of the cat. It appears that while they were running the machine the cat was twirling his tail in his usual fashion and stuck it down into the printer at the most inopportune time and got sucked in! Apparently, the cat absolutely freaked out and clawed at everyone who came close. They finally freed the cat, and to this day, the cat goes nowhere near the machine.

Satisfaction

Q: Why do lions think highly of themselves?

A: Because they have pride