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The best jokes and joke writers!

Long Life

Q: What has more lives than a cat?

A: A frog -- it croaks every night.

If You Are Unhappy

Once upon a time, there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly started to fly south. In a short time, ice began to form on his wings and he fell to earth in a barnyard, almost frozen. A cow passed by and crapped on the little sparrow. The sparrow thought it was the end. However,he found that the manure warmed him and defrosted his wings. Warm and happy, able to breathe, he started to sing. Just then a large cat came by and, hearing the chirping, investigated the sounds. The cat cleared away the manure, found the chirping bird and promptly ate him. The moral of the story:

  1. Everyone who craps on you is not necessarily your enemy.
  2. Everyone who gets you out of the crap is not necessarily your friend.
  3. And, if you're warm and happy in a pile of crap, keep your mouth shut.

Pet Cemetery

An old lady was getting on the bus to go to the pet cemetery with her cat's remains.  As she got on the bus, she whispered to the bus driver, "I have a dead p*ssy."  The driver pointed to the lady sitting behind him and said, "Sit with my wife, you two have a lot in common!"

Cats and Hot Dogs

Q: What do cats like on their hot dogs?

A: Mouse-tard.

Purring Cats

Q: What cat purrs more than any other?

A: Purrsians!