Beer Festival - Bar Visit
After the Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.
Ricardo from Grupo Modelo sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
Luiz from Anheuser-Busch says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.
Mark from Molson Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.
Kenny from MadTree Brewing sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.
The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Kenny, why aren't you drinking a Happy Amber?" and Kenny replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I."
German tourist at NYC McDonald's
A German tourist walks into a McDonald's in New York City and orders a beer. (In Germany and many parts of Europe, McDonald's actually does serve beer.) The local guy in the line behind him immediately gives him the jab: "They don't serve BEER here, you MORON!" The German fellow felt pretty stupid, but suddenly turns to the New Yorker with a surprised look, and begins to chuckle. "And what's so funny?" the New Yorker demands. "Oh, nothing really, I just realized that you came here for the food."
A Guide to Opening a Beer
Q: How do you open a can of beer?
A: That's not the point - it should be open when she gives it to you!
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
A man went into the proctologist's office for his first exam. The doctor told him to have a seat in the examination room and that he would be with him in just a few minutes. Well, when the man sat down in the examination room, he noticed that there were three items on a stand next to the doctor's desk: a tube of K-Y jelly, a rubber glove, and a beer. When the doctor came in, the man said, "Look Doc, this is my first exam... I know what the K-Y is for... and I know what the glove is for... but what's the BEER for?" At this instant, the doctor became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door. The doc flung the door open and yelled to his nurse, "Come on, nurse!!!... I said a BUTT LIGHT!!!"