The Contest! (Very Long, Very Adult)
Contest: Beer vs. Pussy
- A beer is always wet. A pussy needs encouragement.
- A beer tastes horrible served hot. A pussy tastes better served hot.
- Having an ice cold beer makes you satisfied. Having an ice cold pussy makes you married.
- Beers have commercials making fun of skunky ones. Pussy does not.
- If you get a hair in your teeth consuming pussy, you are not disgusted.
- 24 beers come in a box. A pussy is a box you can come in.
- Too much head makes you mad at the person giving you a beer.
- If a beer is brewed with yeast, it is still edible.
- If you come home smelling like beer, The Woman may get mad. If you come home smelling like pussy - you're dead.
- 6 beers in a night and you better not drive. 6 pussies in a night and you have done all the driving you need.
- Too much beer and you get fat. Too much pussy and it makes you poor.
- It is socially acceptable to have a beer in the stands at a football game. You are a legend if you have a pussy in the stands at a football game.
- If a cop smells beer on your breath, you are going to get a breathalyzer. If a cop smells pussy on your breath, you are going to get a high five!
- With beer, bigger is better.
- If you think all day about the next pussy you will have, you are normal. If you think all day about your next beer, you are an alcoholic.
- Peeling labels off of beers is fun. Peeling panties off of pussy is more fun.
- If you suddenly drop a beer, it may break. If you suddenly drop a pussy, it may hunt you down like the dog you are.
- If you change to another beer, your old brand will gladly have you back.
- The best pussy you have ever had is not gone once you have enjoyed it.
- The worst pussy you have ever had is not gone once you have enjoyed it.
- Bad beer: Schlitz, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Old Swill. Bad pussy: Roseanne, Janet Reno, Madeline Albright, Dana Doran
- Good beer: Guinness, Sam Adams, New Castle. Good pussy: Almost all but the above.
- The government taxes beer.
It's a close call, but the numbers never lie. Advantage: Pussy.
The U.S. Government decided to gather data to better understand what people say right before they get into an auto accident. 89% of the people in 49 states said: ''Oh, shit!'' In Texas 94% said: ''Hold my beer. Watch this.''
Beer Before the Trouble
A man walks into a bar and the bartender asks what he'll have.
The man replies, "A beer and a shot of whiskey before the trouble starts. The bartender shakes his head and gives him his drinks. All night, each time the bartender asks for his order the man says, "A beer and a shot of whiskey before the trouble starts." Finally the bartender asks the man what trouble he's talking about. The man says, "Give me a beer and I might just tell you." The bartender replies, "Sorry, you've had your limit for the night." The man says, "Ohh, now the trouble starts..."
After a hot, hard day's work Joe went into a bar to quench his thirst. He walked up to the bar and asked the bartender for a beer. The bartender replied "There's one thing every man has to do here before getting served. You have to tell me the name of your penis." Joe thought it was a bit silly and asked the bartender what he named his. The bartender said " I named mine Nike...like you know...just do it!" So he thought about it for a few minutes then said "I got one...Secret." The bartender said "Why Secret?" Joe said "Well...it's strong enough for a man, but made for a woman."
My husband has always taken the time to make love to me in a very romantic atmosphere. In fact, all our kids were conceived during Miller Lite commercials.