I'll say one thing for HIV patients, they're always positive.
A guy gets out of the V.D. Hospital and decides to a hire a hooker, since he's been without for so long. Before long, he brings one home, and they have sex four times. After it's over, he turns to her and tells her he hasn't had sex in four months because of being in the V.D. Hospital. "How's the food there?" asks the hooker. "Because I'm going in there tomorrow!"
The Difference Between Mono and Herpes
Q: What's the difference between mono and herpes?
A: You get mono from from snatching a kiss, and herpes from kissing a snatch.
AIDS on the Toilet
Q: How do you get AIDS from a toilet seat?
A: If you sit down before the other guy gets off.
My girlfriend picked up an STD on Facebook
Hope she doesn't share it