Yo Mama - Fresh Crabs
Your mom's so nasty, she puts ice down her pants to keep her crabs fresh!
Offer a Hand
Bob walks into a public bathroom and notices a guy with no arms standing next to a urinal. As Bob takes care of his business, he wonders how the poor soul is going to take a leak. Bob finishes and heads for the door, but figures he should ask the man if he needs help. ''Oh yes please!?" the man cries. "You have a kind heart, sir,'' says the man with no arms. But as Bob goes ahead, unzips the man, and pulls his willy out, he encounters all kinds of mold, red bumps, moles, scabs, scars, and other unpleasant-looking things. The armless man asks Bob to kindly point it... then shake it, put it back and zip it. So Bob, gathers his courage, shuts his eyes and does so. ''Thank you very much, sir!'' says the armless man. ''No problem,'' says Bob ''but what the hell is wrong with your penis?'' The guy pulls pulls his arms out of his shirt and says ''I don't know, but I ain't touching it!"
Cure For AIDS
Q: Why are they having such a hard time finding a cure for AIDS?
A: The scientists can't get the mice to butt fuck.
String On A Tampon
Q: You know why there's a string on a tampon?
A: So the crabs can go bungee jumping.
Two Caged Canaries
Once upon a time there were two canaries in a cage. Naturally, one was male and the other female. After many months, the male decided to meet the female. So he scooted over to her side of the cage and said, "Since we're in this together, why don't I move over to your side of the cage!" The female canary replied, "No, thanks!!" So he went back to his side but found he could stay there no longer. Once again, he moved to her side of the cage. This time he asked, "I am sorry I was to forward the first time. Why don't we get to know each other first." To which she replied again, "No, thanks!" Resigning himself to return to his side of the cage, he languished about for a bit then made one final effort. He went halfway across the cage and stated, "Well, could we at least talk?" This time she replied, "Oh, I am so sorry I have been so mean. You see I just learned I have a canarial disease called, "Chirpies' and I hear it is untweetable."