Looking For A Name
The new mother got out of bed for the first time since her childbirth dressed in her robe and walked down the hospital hallway to the nurses desk where she asked for a phone book. "What are you doing out here! You should be in your room resting," the nurse exclaimed. "I want to search through the phone book for a name for my baby," the new mother replied. "You don't have to do that here. The hospital furnished a booklet to all new mothers to assist them in picking a first name for their baby." "You don't understand," the woman said and frowned. "My baby already has a FIRST name!"
A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!". "Is this her first child?", the doctor asked. "No, you idiot!", the man shouted, "This is her husband!"
Congressional Abortion Bill
A Congressional aide asks the politician: "What are we going to do about the new abortion bill?" The politician's reply: "Shhhhh -- just pay it."
Q: What do you call a black woman taking birth control pills?
A: A Humanitarian.
Yo Mama - Giving Birth
Yo mama so stupid, when you were born, she saw the umbilical cord and said, "Hey, it comes with cable."