Q: What happens when a paranoid has low self-esteem?
A: He thinks that nobody important is out to get him.
Life In A Retirement Home
Willy's rolling down the hall of a retirement home acting like he's driving a car, an orderly turns the corner and asks Willy what he's doing. Willy replies, "I'm going to Chicago for the weekend." The orderly chuckles and enters Bob's room to check on him. He catchs Bob pleasuring himself, when asked what he is doing, Bob replies, "I'm screwing Willy's old lady while he's away in Chicago."
Lawyer V Psychopath
Have you seen the current remake of the movie "Cape Fear?" It's about a deranged psychotic who is seeking revenge against a lawyer. The question is, while watching the movie, for whom do you root?
Q: What was so good about the neurotic doll the girl was given for Christmas?
A: It was wound up already.
Truly Committed Man
Q: Where do you have to go to find a man who is truly into commitment?
A: A mental hospital.