Yo Mama - Farting
Yo' Mama is so poor, when she farts, her holey underwear whistles.
Left And Right
Once upon a time there was an elderly gentleman who was suffering from Alzheimer's. His wife of 40 years loved him very much, but she couldn't handle him any longer. He would wonder about never knowing where he was or sometimes even who he was. She took him to a nursing home. At the nursing home, while the wife was filling out paperwork, a nurse had the gentleman sit in a chair. Suddenly the man starting slowly leaning to his left. The nurse ran over and put a pillow on his left side to prop him up. A few minutes later, he started leaning to his right. Again, the nurse ran over and put a pillow on his right side. Then he starting leaning forward. This time, the nurse strapped him into the chair. About this time, his wife, having completed the paperwork, walked up to him and asked, "How do you like the place?" "It's okay," he said. "But, they won't let me fart!"
Q: Why do farts smell?
A: So deaf people can enjoy them too.
A lady was in a hardware store looking at a fishing poles. She asked the store manager how much it was he said, "I am blind. Drop it on the ground and I'll tell ya." She dropped it on the ground. "Aahh that's $10.00." She bent down and let a big fart that everyone heard. But, she really wanted the pole so she picked it up. And went to pay for it. "That will be $20.00." "But you said $10.00." "$10.00 extra for the stink bait and duck call."
It's Football Time Again
An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying there a few minutes, the old man farts and says, "Seven Points. "His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?" The old man replied, "It's fart football!" A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says -"Touchdown, tie score!" After about five minutes the old man farts again and says -"Touchdown, I'm ahead 14 to 7!"Not to be out done the wife rips another one and says, -"Touchdown, tie score!" Five seconds go by and she lets out a squeaker and says -"Field goal, I lead 17 to 14!" Now the pressures on and the old man refuses to get beat by a woman so he strains real hard but to no avail. Realizing a defeat is totally unacceptable he gives it everything he has but instead of farting he poops the bed. The wife looks and says, "What the heck was that?" The old man replied, "Half-time, Switch sides!"