Q: Why did the girl take toilet paper to the party?
A: Because she was a party pooper.
How Fast is it?
Jennifer a manager at Wal-Mart had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of 20 resumes she found four people who were equally qualified Jennifer decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.
The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, Jennifer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?'
The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT'. It just pops into your head. There's no warning. 'That's very good!' replied Jennifer.
'And, now you sir?', she asked the second man. & 39;Hmmm ... let me see 'A blink'! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened ... A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.' 'Excellent!' said Jennifer. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliche for speed.'
She then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply. & 39;Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant. 'yes, turning on a light is the fastest thing I can think of.'
Jennifer was very impressed with the third answer and thought she had found her man. 'It's hard to beat the speed of light,' she said.
Turning to Louie, the fourth and final man, Jennifer posed the same question. Old Louie replied, 'After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.' 'WHAT!?' said Jennifer, stunned by the response...
'Oh sure', said Louie. 'You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already shit my pants.'
The Bad Drugstore Salesman
John was a clerk in a small drugstore, but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted. Bob, the owner, had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his last. Just then a man came in coughing and asked John for their best cough syrup. Try as he might John could not find the cough syrup. Remembering Bob's warning he sold the man a box of Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once. The customer did as John said and then walked outside and leaned against a lamp post. Bob had seen the whole thing and came over to ask John what had transpired. "He wanted something for his cough but I couldn't find the cough syrup so I substituted Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once," John explained. "Ex-Lax won't cure a cough!" Bob shouted angrily. "Sure it will," John said, pointing at the man leaning on the lamp post. "Just look at him. He's afraid to cough!"
Sage Medical Advice
Q: What two pills should you NEVER take together?
A: Sleeping pill and a laxative.
A Bat's Worst Day
Two bats are hanging upside down on a branch. One asks the other, "Do you recall your worst day last year?" The other responds, "Yes, the day I had diarrhea!"