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The best jokes and joke writers!

Bad News First

"Okay doctor, give me the bad news first." "You've got AIDS." "Oh, no! What could be worse than that?" "You've also got Alzheimer's Disease." "Oh. Well, that's not so bad. At least I don't have AIDS."

Loving it up at 85!

At 85 years of age, a somewhat senile Morris marries Luanne, a lovely 25-year-old.  Because her new husband is so old, Luanne decides that on their wedding night, she and Morris should have separate bedrooms. The newlywed is concerned that her new husband may over exert himself if they spend the entire night together.  After the wedding festivities, Luanne prepares herself for bed and for the expected "knock" on the door.  Sure enough, the knock comes, the door opens and there is her 85-year-old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, whereupon Morris takes leave of Luanne and she prepares to go to sleep.  After a few minutes, Luanne hears another knock on her bedroom door. It's Morris! And he's again ready for more action. Somewhat surprised, Luanne consents to further coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Morris kisses Luanne, bids her a fond good night and leaves. Luanne is set to go to sleep again.  However, after a few short minutes, there is another knock at her door, and there he is again... Morris, as fresh as a 25-year-old and ready for a bit more action. And again they enjoy one another.  As Morris is once again set to leave, the young bride says to him, "I am thoroughly impressed that at your age, honey, you have enough juice to go at it three times. I've been with guys less than a third your age who were only good once. You're a great lover, Morris!"  Morris, looking somewhat befuddled, turns to Luanne and says..."WHAT?...You mean I was here already?!"

I Have Bad News

The doctor tells his patient: "Well I have good news and bad news..." The patient says, "Lay it on me Doc. What's the bad news?" "You have Alzheimer's disease." "Good heavens! What's the good news?" "You can go home and forget about it!"

Memory Problems

Patient: "Doctor, I have a serious memory problem. I can't remember anything!"

Doctor: "Since when did you have this problem?"

Patient: "What problem?

Doctor: "Did you take those pills I gave you to improve your memory?"

Patient: "What pills?"

Bad and Worse News

A man visits the doctor for a checkup, and after some tests, the doctor comes in with a grave look on his face.

Doctor: "Well, I have some bad news and some really bad news."

Man: "Well, give me the really bad news first."

Doctor: "You have cancer, and only 6 months to live."

Man: "And the bad news?"

Doctor: "You have Alzheimer's disease."

Man: "That's great. I was afraid I had cancer!"