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The best jokes and joke writers!

Medical Miracles

There's more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040 there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs, huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

I Have Bad News

The doctor tells his patient: "Well I have good news and bad news..." The patient says, "Lay it on me Doc. What's the bad news?" "You have Alzheimer's disease." "Good heavens! What's the good news?" "You can go home and forget about it!"

Memory Problems

Patient: "Doctor, I have a serious memory problem. I can't remember anything!"

Doctor: "Since when did you have this problem?"

Patient: "What problem?

Doctor: "Did you take those pills I gave you to improve your memory?"

Patient: "What pills?"

Bad News First

"Okay doctor, give me the bad news first." "You've got AIDS." "Oh, no! What could be worse than that?" "You've also got Alzheimer's Disease." "Oh. Well, that's not so bad. At least I don't have AIDS."

Bad and Worse News

A man visits the doctor for a checkup, and after some tests, the doctor comes in with a grave look on his face.

Doctor: "Well, I have some bad news and some really bad news."

Man: "Well, give me the really bad news first."

Doctor: "You have cancer, and only 6 months to live."

Man: "And the bad news?"

Doctor: "You have Alzheimer's disease."

Man: "That's great. I was afraid I had cancer!"