No Strings Attached
A young woman stops into her local pharmacy to pick a supply of tampons for herself. She goes to the aisle where they are located and sees they are priced at five boxes for one dollar. Thinking this is a misprint; she finds a clerk and asks if this can possibly be the correct price. The clerk replies, "Yes it is the correct price. For one week only, you can purchase five boxes of tampons for one dollar, no strings attached."
A guy walks into his doctor and says, "Doc, you gotta help me, I can't remember anything!" The doc asks, "How long have you had this problem?" The guy says, "What problem?"
Letters From Charities
I am always getting those return address labels from charities wanting money. The other day, I got one from an Alzheimer's group. Funny though, they forgot to put my street name on them!
This is Susan
John receives a phone call. "Hello," he answers. The voice on the other end says, "This is Susan. We met a party about 3 months ago." John: "Hmm... Susan? about 3 months ago?" Susan: "Yes, it was at Bill's house. After the party you took me home. On the way we parked and got into the back seat. You told me I was a good sport." John: "Oh, yeah! Susan! How are you?" Susan: "I'm pregnant and I'm going to kill myself." John: "Say, you ARE a good sport."
Loving it up at 85!
At 85 years of age, a somewhat senile Morris marries Luanne, a lovely 25-year-old. Because her new husband is so old, Luanne decides that on their wedding night, she and Morris should have separate bedrooms. The newlywed is concerned that her new husband may over exert himself if they spend the entire night together. After the wedding festivities, Luanne prepares herself for bed and for the expected "knock" on the door. Sure enough, the knock comes, the door opens and there is her 85-year-old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, whereupon Morris takes leave of Luanne and she prepares to go to sleep. After a few minutes, Luanne hears another knock on her bedroom door. It's Morris! And he's again ready for more action. Somewhat surprised, Luanne consents to further coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Morris kisses Luanne, bids her a fond good night and leaves. Luanne is set to go to sleep again. However, after a few short minutes, there is another knock at her door, and there he is again... Morris, as fresh as a 25-year-old and ready for a bit more action. And again they enjoy one another. As Morris is once again set to leave, the young bride says to him, "I am thoroughly impressed that at your age, honey, you have enough juice to go at it three times. I've been with guys less than a third your age who were only good once. You're a great lover, Morris!" Morris, looking somewhat befuddled, turns to Luanne and says..."WHAT?...You mean I was here already?!"