Q: Why did the girl take toilet paper to the party?
A: Because she was a party pooper.
What a Health Plan!
Her Majesty the Queen was being shown around a hospital. As she was being given the guided tour by a senior consultant, they passed a room where a man was masturbating wildly through the window. Of course the Queen was not at all amused and demanded an explanation as to why these activities were allowed in the hospital.
"Ah," said the doctor, "Now, although it is perhaps unfortunate that you should have witnessed that, in fact, that poor patient is suffering from a very debilitating condition. He produces so much semen that unless he gets rid of it 4 times a day his testicles will explode." "Oh," said Her Majesty. "Well, in that case I suppose it's understandable."
Further down the corridor they passed another room. The door was open and you could see a nurse was clearly giving a patient oral sex. "Goodness Gracious!" shrieked Her Majesty, "I demand an explanation of this kind of sordid goings- on!"
"Ah," said the Doctor, "same problem - better health plan!"
What's She Got...?
An elderly couple in a senior's home used to visit the recreation room everyday. While there, the old lady would sit quite contently holding the old guys's penis. One day she goes down to the rec. room and is mortified to find her man with another woman holding his penis. "What's she got that I don't have" she says. He looks up with a large smile on his face and replies "Parkinson's"
Old Woman Visits Doctor
An old woman came into her doctor's office and confessed to an embarrassing problem. "I fart all the time, Doctor Johnson, but they're soundless, and they have no odor. In fact, since I've been here, I've farted no less than twenty times. What can I do?" "Here's a prescription, Mrs. Harris. Take these pills three times a day for seven days and comeback and see me in a week." Next week an upset Mrs. Harris marched into Dr. Johnson's office. "Doctor, I don't know what was in those pills, but the problem is worse! I'm farting just as much, but now they smell terrible! What do you have to say for yourself?" "Calm down, Mrs.Harris," said the doctor soothingly. "Now that we've fixed your sinuses, we'll work on your hearing."
A man took his wife to the doctor. After a short examination the doctor said "Your wife's mind has completely gone!" To which the man replied "I'm not surprised. She's been giving a piece of it to me every day for the past 25 years!"