Q: Why did the girl take toilet paper to the party?
A: Because she was a party pooper.
Two brothers, Timmy and Tommy, open their presents on Christmas day. While Timmy unpacks mountains of awesome stuff, all Tommy got was a pair of socks. "Could it be that our parents love me more than you?" Timmy smirks. Tommy answers, "Could it be that you've got cancer?"
How Men Take Bubble Baths
Q: How does a man take a bubble bath?
A: He eats beans for dinner.
Polish Kid with Diarrhea
Q: Did you hear about the little Polish kid who got diarrhea?
A: He thought he was melting.
I Have Bad News
The doctor tells his patient: "Well I have good news and bad news..." The patient says, "Lay it on me Doc. What's the bad news?" "You have Alzheimer's disease." "Good heavens! What's the good news?" "You can go home and forget about it!"