Q: Why did the girl take toilet paper to the party?
A: Because she was a party pooper.
That Rubber Thingy
An old man gets on a crowded bus and no one gives him a seat. As the bus shakes and rattles, the old man's cane slips on the floor and he falls down. As he gets up, a seven-year-old kid, sitting nearby, turns to him and says, "If you put a little rubber thingy on the end of your stick, it wouldn't slip."
The old man snaps back, "Well, if your daddy did the same thing seven years ago, I would have a seat today!"
Whose Turn Is It?
There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, "ATTENTION ALL," and farts loudly. The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and says, "Excuse me, you just farted before my wife." The drunks replies, "I'm sorry I didn't know it was her turn."
As a diabetes educator, a number of my clients truly do not understand that when I tell them two alcoholic drinks per day, it does not mean they can save them all and have 14 on Saturday night.
Your sister's so anorexic she has to wear suspenders with her skinny jeans.